My Experience with Grief and the Long Island Medium

Larry goes horseback riding like he used to do as a child, but Theresa is reluctant to join him. Meanwhile, a single mother makes a connection with her late husband, who died in a tragic accident.

As many of you now know, my husband was killed by a drunk driver in February of 2013. To say it was devastating would be an understatement. I was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis in November 1999. Severe stress in multiple sclerosis do not go well together. In the first year or so after Chris was killed, I was hospitalized at least 4 times. As I neared the end of a physical rehabilitation stay after one of those hospitalizations, I received a phone call from a friend in our church parish.

She wanted to let me know that she was having a small group reading at her on by the Long Island Medium, Theresa Caputo. My friend’s sister had contacted the show in writing sometime previously and was selected for a group reading, which they were going to have at my friend’s house. Somebody who was supposed to join them couldn’t make it all of a sudden, and she wanted to invite me.

I had very mixed feelings about Theresa Caputo. Was she legitimate or a con artist? I did believe that some people have the ability to see or sense things that most of us cannot; I once sat down with a priest who knew things and predicted things that to this day are coming true. But that’s a story for another day …

I had observed Theresa Caputo once in April 2013, when I was in the Godiva store at Roosevelt Field Mall with my daughters. She had come in with 2 security people and purchased some easter candy at the counter.  She pretty much kept her head down except for when she was talking to the person behind the counter. I clearly remember thinking that I would have welcome the chance to have a reading with her, but would never get the opportunity because there was such a massive waiting list.

So, there I was in the physical rehabilitation facility when I got the phone call with the invitation from my friend. I desperately wanted to go, I had no idea how I would handle the logistics. I told my friend I appreciated her thinking of me but I didn’t know if I’d be able to work it out to get there, so I couldn’t accept. She understood and said I should let her know if anything changed.

I hung up. I remember thinking how quiet everything seemed. I remember the institutional smell of the disinfectant they used on everything and the faint scent of the vanilla air freshener I kept on the rolling table. I also remember suddenly feeling determined to get to that reading.

I started making phone calls. I had to find a CNA from the facility who would be willing to go with me on a nighttime outing, and negotiate what to pay her. Then I had to hire and arrange an ambulette service to get us there and back. I had to get medical permission. It took a couple of days to put it all together with no time to spare.

We got to my friend’s house at the requested time. I was in a wheelchair and the house of course was not accessible, so the ambulance driver and her husband lifted it up to help me into the house. I had been a last minute addition to the group, so I had to give my basic information and sign a release form. I think the rest of my friend’s family was already in the house.

Shortly after that, Teresa arrived. My first thought was how very little she looked even in her very high heels. Her personality was just as it seems on television.

As a group we had been told that she would try to ‘read’ spirit for as many of us as possible but that there were no guarantees because she could not control what messages she would receive. I remember her commenting on the huge, beautiful fireplace. I recall her first speaking to somebody on the other side of the room. I was half listening to things she was saying to other people and simultaneously wondering is she would have anything to say to me. I didn’t have to wait long for the answer to that.

She spoke to me longer than to anybody else at the reading. If you think she said were stuff I could objectively see might be written off as fishing. But a lot of what she said was very specific, and not things that a full research team with months and months of preparation time could possibly ever discover. It was disconcerting, emotional, frustrating and gratifying all at once.

I know they aired something of her conversation with me, although I have never watched the episode. After all, I was there for the whole thing – I don’t need to see what little bit they edited together. Plus I know what I look like in it was a horror … I was still in physical rehabilitation right after a couple of weeks in the hospital, on steroids and other things, in a wheelchair, with hair and make up done one-handed in a hospital bed. And all while heartsick with grief. No, I definitely don’t need to watch it.

I’m actually surprised I decided to share this all with you.

Finding your way through the grief process is different for everyone. Family, friends, faith, therapy, support groups, psychologists, meditation, exercise, self-help books, philosophy, medication… there are a lot of ways to cope. Some coping mechanisms are potentially very harmful… things like illegal drugs, overeating, overspending, and abusing alcohol. Seeking ways to cope is how we try to make sense of loss, especially when the loss is tragic or unexpected.

I was corresponding with someone last week about criticism she was receiving about her attempts to deal with her grief.  Unless you are doing one of the self-destructive things I mentioned, I think there is very little you should not be able to try. Your grief is your own. So, too, is the ‘right’ way for you to cope.

In case you want to see the episode, its available online;

Long Island Medium

SEASON 7, EPISODE 9 HORSING AROUND

First Aired: September 7, 2014