What to Do If You Find a Dead Hobbit in Your Garden
By Murray Edmond
• Phone your local police station. They have a 24-hour answering service. Please note your message will be used for training purposes. Your voice print will be added to their database.
• Access Hobbit Rescue (HR) on the Hobbit Rescue app (type in Hobbit Rescue). Type your address in the required box. Wait for assistance to arrive.
• Do not touch the Hobbit. Warner Bros. can recycle most parts of a Hobbit. Interference with any part of a dead Hobbit is a crime. Remember: you will be liable!
• Do not Facebook your Friends. Some of your Friends may not be Friends. Australian Unionists are known Trollers. Be vigilant. Unionists have no part in our film industry.
• When Hobbit Rescue arrives they will ask you questions. You are required to answer. Hobbits are an integral platform in our national economy. Withholding information from a private company in pursuit of its legitimate profit can be deemed a treasonable act.
• Remember Hobbits are our friends. They were born here. This is their home. They represent our way of life. Do you want to lose that way of life?
About the poem
This was published in the February 2018 issue of Poetry. This is an audio link of the poet reading it:
About the author
Murray Edmond is known variously for his work as a poet, playwright, and as an editor and critic. His first collection of poems, Entering the Eye, was published in 1973, and several other collections have followed. Many of his poems have been featured in journals and in anthologies. His extensive theatre work has led to a distinguished career writing for the stage, and Edmond is known for his involvement with local theatre, contributing as a writer, performer and producer.
(Information from www.read-nz.org).